ray choi

Christian husband, father of 3 and bi-vocational pastor

Who is Jesus to You? (Mark 5-8)

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Preacher: Pastor Ray

Jesus is our Deliverer, our Healer, the Christ and our Lord.

Discussion Questions

Read Mark 5:1-5. Jesus is our Deliverer.
– If you encountered this man from the Gerasenes possessed by an unclean spirit, what would be your reaction?
– In cases of demonic oppression, do you agree or disagree that we are overly dependent on human institutions and human means at the expense of faith that Jesus can actually deliver us from any type of bondange and stronghold?
– Do you agree or disagree that God’s will for ever demonized person is full deliverance rather than settling for a life of medication, counseling and hospitalization?
– When it comes to God’s will, what do you consider more–your experience or the word of God?
– What is God’s will regarding deliverance?
– This demon saw Jesus, ran to Him and fell before Him. Is there a person or situation that you are trembling before instead of worshiping Jesus?

Read Mark 6:1-6; 53-56. Jesus is our Healer.
– Compare Nazareth with Gennesaret. Why does God seem to heal and deliver in some places and not in others?

Read Mark 8:11-12.
– In Jesus’ ministry, signs of healing and deliverance are happening all over the place, yet to the Pharisee, Jesus says, no sign will be given. Why?

Read Mark 8:22-26.
– Why wasn’t this blind man healed the first time?
– How might we wrongly apply God’s sovereignty when healing doesn’t happen right away?
– What is God’s will regarding healing?
– Is there a single case when Jesus encountered a demonized or sick person and He left them in their condition?
– How should we continue in prayer when you’ve been praying and healing is not coming?
– What does it mean to pray with faith?

Read Mark 8:27-30; 31-33.
– What does it mean that Peter confesses Jesus as the “Christ?”
– Peter rebukes Jesus regarding His sharing about His imminent death. Why does Jesus call this mentality Satanic and very human?
– Why is Peter very much like the partially healed blind man in a spiritual sense?

Read Mark 8:34-38.
– What is the only proper response after you say, Jesus, you are the Christ?
– What is our attitude toward our lives as believers?
– Are you ashamed to live for Jesus? What is the Lord asking you to do that might make you look like a fool in the eyes of the world if you obey?
– Have you surrendered your entire life to Jesus? Surrender and start living for Jesus today.

2 Tim 4: Loving His Appearing

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Sermon Outline

2 Tim 4: Loving His Appearing

Text: 2 Tim 4:1-8

Paul about to be killed in Rome

Paul passing the baton to his disciple and spiritual son, Timothy

Recap

  • Chapter 1: Paul gives Timothy the charge to guard the gospel
  • Chapter 2: Paul gives Timothy the charge to suffer for the gospel
  • Chapter 3: Paul gives Timothy the charge to continue in the gospel
  • Today, we’re in final chapter of this letter, chapter 4.

2 Tim 4:1-2

Paul charges Timothy with one final thing–proclaim the gospel

You think Paul is a little concerned about the gospel?

  • Why is Paul so adamant that Timothy takes the baton and guards the gospel and suffers for the gospel and continues in the gospel and keeps proclaiming the gospel over and over again?
  • It’s because if you fail to understand the gospel, you can’t be saved

In the Bible, there are many, many other good ideas and advice and tips for wise, happy living

  • Topics: purpose, meaning of life, marriage, parenting, community, social work, how to win friends and influence people, the importance of integrity and honesty and telling the truth
  • But if you miss this one message–the gospel–you might know a lot of Bible and you might have many good biblical ideas in your head, but if you fail to grasp the gospel, then you’ve lost everything

We just celebrated Easter

  • Passion Week leading up to Easter Sunday pretty summarizes the gospel
  • What is this gospel that Paul is so obsessed with?
  • Define the gospel

Why is it so hard to hold onto the gospel?

  • 2 Tim 4:3-4
  • It’s hard to hold onto the gospel because we live in a time when people are no longer tolerant of sound doctrine (=gospel)
  • Instead of holding onto the gospel, the truth, they turned away from the gospel and turned aside to myths, to false ideas which were not based on the gospel

What was the trigger to cause people to want to turn away from the gospel?

  • 2 Tim 4:3
  • They had an “itch to hear something new”
  • I don’t know about you, but I hate re-runs
  • Like a movie or a TV show, I have a hard enough time staying awake for the first time

Paul is basically saying, hit rewind and play the same track over and over again

  • Not shuffle mode on your ipod, but repeat mode with one track called the gospel
    Paul must have seen the battle ahead with the rise of false teachers who would be quick to teach novel ideas, new teachings that satisfy the itching ears of the hearers
  • Paul knew how hard it would be to major in the gospel and let other ideas remain as minor, peripheral teachings

If you are at a church for a few weeks and certainly after a few years, you can get a sense of what their main thing is

  • Missions, evangelism, helping the poor, discipleship, community service
  • But it is my prayer that we would be a gospel-centered church
  • That means, whether you are here for a few weeks or a few years, by listening to the preached Word, you walk away knowing how important the gospel is

I admit, sometimes I am tempted to teach some new vision, some new revelation, a new project, new program

  • Because I get worry–what if you guys get bored hearing the same message over and over
  • Think about how difficult it is for me to preach the same message over and over
  • But this is Paul’s charge to Timothy–proclaim the gospel–and it remains a charge for all ministers of the gospel since

For Paul, he preached the same gospel over and over and what was the result in his personal life?

  • 2 Tim 4:6-7
  • I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith
  • This was his shout of victory as he neared the end of his life–I made it, I have kept the faith!
  • He didn’t shout, My churches!  Look at my churches!  Look at how much ministry I did!
  • He said, I have kept the faith and this was the direct result of preaching the gospel, not only to the Gentiles, to others, but preaching the gospel to himself

When was the last time you preached the gospel to yourself?

  • Jesus died on the cross for YOUR sin, my sin
  • Jesus was raised from the dead for YOU and for me
  • God loves me THIS much
  • I am His child
  • My worth comes from my identity as His son or daughter
  • It’s not about my performance, it’s not about my accomplishments, or how great everyone thinks I am
  • The only thing that matters is keeping my faith in Christ to the very end

When is the last time you preached the gospel to yourself?

  • I hope you did it today, and if not, I hope you did it yesterday, or the day before, or two days ago
  • We need to preach the gospel to ourselves every single day

What are you going to shout at the end of your life?

  • My money?!?  Sorry, you can’t take a cent with you when you’re dead
  • Or, my achievements?!?  Sad to say, I hate to break it to you, but most of us will not be remembered at all outside of our family when we die
  • Even if you were a smashing success in this life, your life will not amount to much more than a few lines in a textbook
  • Or a manilla folder of a few publications in some obscure journal that nobody reads
  • Or maybe a box of books if you were a prolific writer, maybe at best your life will amount to a two hour movie special, but that’s it

What are you going to shout at the end of your life?

  • My kids?!?  You can’t save them.  They will stand alone before God just like you and me
  • My ministry?!?  Ministry will not save you
  • Only Jesus saves

You began your spiritual life with, Jesus, have mercy!

  • And at the end of our lives, won’t we be shouting the same thing?  Jesus, have mercy!
  • The only thing that saves is Jesus Christ and so may our last words of victory be, I have kept the faith in Jesus Christ because He alone can forgive sins and save me

What if you attend a gospel-centered church and you preach the gospel to yourself every chance you get, does this guarantee that you will enjoy a Spirit-filled, fruitful, joyous, bold, unstoppable, overflowing, abundant Christian life? REPEAT

This is in my humble opinion, the limitation of the Reformed position, esp. the cessationists

  • People in the Reformed camp give off the impression, at least to me, that as long as I have the Word, I’m set
  • I speak this critique as one who identifies very much with the Reformed camp
  • I believe in the inerrancy of Scripture, I believe in the inspiration of Scripture, the authority of Scripture
  • I believe it is every minister’s duty to guard the primary message of the Bible–the gospel–from corruption because there are a lot of false teachers around us
  • I believe we must preach and proclaim the gospel to ourselves and to the world
  • But if it ends there, I think the Reformed camp has done a great disservice
  • Because they give the wrong impression that as long as your doctrine is tight and in order, then you’re fine
  • No, this is so untrue

There is a thing called life

  • It’s one thing to preach the gospel, it’s another thing entirely to live out the gospel with power and conviction and joy
  • Preaching/teaching AND living–these are two separate matters
  • 1 Tim 4:16 – “Pay close attention to your life and your teaching.”
  • Of course, if your teaching is off, then you haven’t even gotten to first base
  • Teaching is very important
  • But teaching is only a necessary prerequisite
  • Good teaching alone will not help you fight your good fight and finish your race and keep your faith to the end

Just because your understanding of the Bible is solid doesn’t mean that you’re a Christian

  • There are many people in the world who fill up pews and they say they know Christ, but on that day, Jesus will say, I never knew you
  • Our doctrine alone is insufficient to save, even the Word of God is insufficient
  • Satan is a better theologian than any of us and look where he’s going

The ultimate litmus test of saving faith is your life

  • Are you living out the gospel?
  • Does your life bear the marks of what a Spirit-filled, fruitful disciple ought to look like?

2 Tim 3 warns against those within the church who act like they are saved but they are not

  • Paul describes them as people with a form of godliness
  • An outer shell, hollow, lacking substance
  • With solid, Bible teaching, you can have a great looking exterior, you may have the form of a Christian

But where does the substance come from?

  • From a real encounter with Jesus, or a filling of the Spirit, which come through the preaching of the Word
  • The preached Word of God is important because it is the vehicle by which the vast majority of people are saved
  • But hear me on this–the Word is merely a vehicle, a channel through which the Spirit blows and God breathes life into dead spiritual corpses
  • It’s the Word and the Spirit coming together
  • A real encounter with Jesus occurs
  • The result is a new life, salvation

The Reformed camp and the charismatic camp must be brought together

When these 2 come together, you get a changed life

If we treat Paul as a divinely inspired writer of these letters and we divorce Paul the writer from Paul the person, we’re just left with a shell

  • So we have pastors today trying to imitate either Paul’s message or his ministry
  • What was his message?  Preach the gospel.  Okay, all I need to do is to be faithful in preaching the gospel
  • Or, all I need to do is to be a ministry machine like Paul

For me, I feel myself swinging between these 2 pendulums

  • In my early years, Christian life is all about ministry
  • In recent years, Christian life is all about being faithful to the preaching of the Word, specifically the gospel

I believe both extremes are wrong

  • Paul is not merely a theologian and preacher
  • And we are not mere students of theology who hear a lecture and regurgitate facts to prove that we understood what was taught
  • And though Paul did plant many churches and do a lot of ministry, it would be an unfair characterization to call him a ministry machine and to imitate him in this ministry methodology and missions strategy

Brothers and sisters, we are not called to be professional scholars in terms of our faith

  • Nor are we called to be professional employees reporting to God, our Boss, with status reports of all the ministry we have done in His name
  • We are called to be Christian, Christ followers, a little Christ, ones who embody the grace of God and who display to the world the power of the gospel to transform lives

2 Tim 4:8

  • This is one verse I want you to remember for the rest of your life
  • Who is going to be saved along with Paul?
  • “…all those who have loved His appearing”
  • Whose appearing? Jesus
    The word for “appearing” in the Greek is the basis for our English word for “epiphany”
  • It means there was a manifestation, glory showed up, light shined in
  • That’s a good way to describe salvation
  • While you were not yet saved, you never thought about Jesus deeply, or if you did, He was just some religious teacher, but one day, you had an epiphany
  • You had your Aha moment

NIV – translates this verse as “longed for” his appearing

  • I think a better translation for “longed for” is “loved” (HCSB and ESV)
  • It’s not wrong to say, longed for his appearing, because you do long for something or someone whom you love
  • If you are a parent away from your spouse or your kids, you long to see them again because you love them
  • But I think “longed for” but is an unfortunate translation because it gives off the impression that Jesus’ appearance is entirely future
  • We all agree that the Second Coming is going to be a future event

Does that mean that there are zero appearances by Jesus between his first and second coming?

  • I don’t think so. For one, the grammar clues us into the fact that Jesus is always appearing
  • The word for “love” is actually a participle in the perfect tense
  • Hence the title of today’s sermon, Loving His Appearing
  • We are a people loving his appearing

Loving is a participle

  • And it’s in the perfect tense–the perfect tense refers to an action that was COMPLETED at a specific point of time in the past with results CONTINUING into the present
  • For example, I might say, I have closed the door–this speaks of a past completed event  But the implication is that as a result, the door is still closed
  • I have closed the door and it is closed at present
  • Likewise, Jesus appeared 2,000 years ago at a particular point in history
  • Some who were alive to witness this life of Jesus in the first century became his disciples and they loved His appearing then

For the believer today, we, too, loved His appearing

  • The first time when Jesus met us and we encountered Him, probably at church, or a retreat, or when a Christian shared the gospel with you, as the Word of God was spoken, Christ appeared in your life for the first time and you were born again
  • But is that the last time you met Jesus? I hope not.
  • Preached Word, open your Bible in the morning, prayer time, answered prayers, miracle of salvation

Paul was not merely a theologian or a ministry machine

  • Paul was a witness to countless appearances of the Lord throughout his 30 year ministry
  • A witness is someone who sees and hears something
  • If you get into a car accident, you might two parties involved, one guy gives his side of the story and the other guy gives his side and what do you do if the stories don’t match
  • You look for witnesses
  • I saw that the light was yellow and the guy sped up and arrived at the intersection when the light was turning red
  • The witness acts to validate or verify one of the stories

Likewise, Paul was a witness

  • Acts 26:16 – “But get up and stand on your feet. For I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and a witness of what you have seen and of what I will reveal to you.”
  • He saw and heard things
  • We know about his miraculous salvation
  • He had an epiphany
  • Jesus showed up as a flash of light that blinded Saul of Tarsus before he was renamed Paul
  • He heard the voice of the Good Shepherd

If that was the only time Paul witnessed the appearing of the Lord, then it would follow that he would write in 2 Tim 4:8 that he longed for his future appearing

  • But he doesn’t–he writes, loving his appearing
  • Why?
  • Because the Lord appeared to Paul numerous times

Paul writes about one appearing of the Lord in 2 Tim 4:17

  • The close of this letter from v9 to the end show Paul’s human side
  • He is discouraged because close companions like Demas have fallen away and he is sad humanistically that the rest have departed due to the call to preach the gospel in other areas
  • He asks for Mark, the one who had deserted him in an earlier mission trip
  • By now, Paul is lying in a dark prison and must be cold so he asks for his cloak
  • And he asks for the scrolls because he is bored for a lack of reading material inside a prison cell
  • Then, in v14-15, he mentions being persecuted severely by Alexander the coppersmith
  • Why was Alexander so upset?  Because the sale of silver idols was a big money making business, but due to the success of Paul’s ministry in Ephesus, sales were in sharp decline
  • Paul was put on trial and he was deserted, he was alone
  • But in the midst of his loneliness and while he is on trial, v17 happens
  • The Lord appears and his appearance makes all the difference
  • Paul was strengthened

Let me share a few more appearances from the book of Acts 19:21

  • Paul did not plant churches haphazardly
  • Paul did not go from city to city because he got tired of one city and wanted a change of scenery
  • Paul’s ministry in Ephesus was thriving – read Eph 19-20
  • Logically, he as the pastor of a thriving congregation should have stayed in Ephesus
  • Yet, why did Paul feel compelled to leave Ephesus and go to Jerusalem?
  • Only one reason – the Lord appeared
  • It says, Paul was resolved in the Spirit, capital S
  • The Holy Spirit gave him inner resolve to go to Jerusalem
  • The Lord appeared, the Lord spoke and Paul immediately obeyed

In Acts 20:22-23 when Paul is saying his tearful farewell with the Ephesian elders

  • Because he is off to Jerusalem in obedience to the Holy Spirit, again Paul reveals that the Holy Spirit has been regularly appearing to him
  • Every town that Paul moved to was a direct result of the Holy Spirit appearing to him
  • And from town to town, each time, the Holy Spirit testified the suffering that awaited Paul
  • How much more frequent these divine appearance must have been to Paul given the fact that Paul was moving to Jerusalem and Rome, his final leg of his ministry where the suffering would be fiercest

Starting in Acts 21, Paul is in Jerusalem and then in Rome and just as the Holy Spirit warned, he is in a fight for his life

In Acts 23, the Jewish leaders are so angry with Paul that they conspire to kill him

Acts 23:11

  • The Lord appears again, perhaps because Paul’s courage is failing
  • God intervenes to stop the ambush
  • He mobilizes son of Paul’s sister in v16 to tell Paul about the ambush and then Paul tells one of the centurions and then Paul is safely escorted out of Jerusalem to Caesarea

From this point, Paul goes on a series of trials before Roman officials, the Roman governor Felix, then Festus, then King Agrippa

  • Paul fulfills his ministry to be a witness to them of what he has seen and heard about the Lord
  • Now it’s time to sail for Rome
  • On the way, a storm hits and everyone is fearing for their lives, except for Paul
  • Why?
  • Again, an angel of the Lord appeared to him
  • Acts 27:21- 25
  • What gave Paul peace in the midst of a life threatening storm?  A divine visitation, an appearing

What do we make of this Paul?  He’s not a dry academic and he’s not a ministry machine

  • He’s this interesting mix of preacher, teacher, evangelist who is Spirit-filled and regularly visited by the Lord
  • When Paul is on trial before King Agrippa, Paul says this in Acts 26:8 – “Why is it considered incredible by any of you that God raises the dead?”
  • This is the crux of the Christian faith–we believe that very Son of God walked on this earth and He died and rose again
  • And Jews put him on trial because they refused to believe that God would work in this way
  • They put God in a box
  • This Jesus didn’t fit into their box
  • The resurrection ought to explode the box of religion forever
  • From beginning to end, the Christian faith is a supernatural faith
  • God is too big for our boxes, He doesn’t fit into our boxes
  • We can’t fully explain Him with our doctrine and creeds
  • He’s an infinite God

Even among the Jews in Acts 23, there are 2 groups

  • The Sadducees and the Pharisees
  • It’s interesting because there is a key difference between these 2 groups
  • Acts 23:6-8
  • The Sadducees deny the supernatural completely
  • There can be no resurrection, no angel, no spirit, nothing supernatural because you can’t fit the supernatural into a box and explain it neatly
  • For the Pharisee, on the other hand, the supernatural is possible so some even concede in v9 – “What if a spirit or an angel has spoken” to Paul?

Forgive my bluntness, but I think there are many modern day Sadducees in the church today

  • Other than the resurrection, they completely deny the supernatural
  • The Sadducees is not only a Jewish problem
  • We all have this tendency to be Sadducees
  • Many today even go so far as to say that the supernatural gifts of the Holy Spirit have ceased
  • I hope I’ve made my case that you can’t take Paul’s teaching without looking at his life
  • And Paul’s life from beginning to end is supernatural
  • The Lord appeared to Paul countless times
  • He didn’t just encounter Jesus once on the Damascus Road during his conversion but he encountered Jesus, the Holy Spirit, angels sent from the Lord on a regular basis
  • You can’t explain Paul’s life without seeing the supernatural hand of God molding and shaping, guiding, comforting, strengthening, empowering him

Don’t be a Christian Sadducee who says, the Bible is all I need

  • Yes, you need the Bible, but the Bible is just a vehicle of redemption, a channel through which the person of the Holy Spirit blows and God breathes life into dead hearts
  • We must bridge the gap between the Bible and the present workings of the Holy Spirit–the two will not contradict each other
  • We must be a people who love the appearing of Christ, not just once, not just twice when He returns, but every day of our journey to see Him face to face

Acts 28:23-28

  • The book of Acts ends with Paul preaching the kingdom of God from dawn to dusk about the gospel of Jesus
  • And because the Jewish people refused to receive Jesus, they fulfilled the prophecy written in Isaiah that the gospel would move on to the Gentiles
  • This is God’s judgment against the Jewish nation: you will listen but not understand, you will look and never perceive
  • We can spend decades in the church and listen and look and have absolutely nothing enter our hearts
  • God is looking for people who will be true witnesses, those with open eyes and open ears, people who see and hear things
  • People who have personal testimony of the Lord appearing to them through his Word, through prayer, through amazing orchestration of circumstances

Eph 5 – The Link Between Marriage, Christ and Church (pt3 of 3)

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“One Flesh”

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

This phrase, one flesh, refers to deep soul-level oneness. It’s not oil and vinegar, which just sits on top of each other when you mix them. Or, chocolate chips that you knead into dough. This is speaking of a chemical reaction. Jackie’s maiden name is Choi. I think that’s why she married me so that she didn’t have to go through all the trouble of changing her legal name. So our marriage is not RC + JC = RCJC. It’s RJC². It’s a chemical reaction and the output is a new compound. We are one new person.

You know the phrase “opposites attract.” That’s such a bogus statement. Opposites don’t attract. If you are a rich person, are you attracted to poor people? If you are a nerd, are you attracted to jocks? If you are a hilarious, spontaneous, fun, care-free person, are you attracted to someone who is boring and is a homebody? No, you look for friends who are just like you and who share the same interests. The phrase, opposites attract, simply means, if a man is attracted to any woman, by definition, they are already opposites to begin with. The Bible points to the fact that it’s not personality traits, it’s something much more fundamental. Men and women are complements. We are opposites, opposing halves coming together to form a whole. Genesis 1-2. Men and women complement and complete one another.

How are we completed in marriage? The idea of completion assumes that every person on their own is incomplete. We are all works in progress. We have deficits that need to be filled. We have weaknesses that need to be strengthened. Rough edges that are in need of smoothing over. We are not yet sanctified and Christ-like so we need others to complete us.

Our friends may not be the best people to complete us because if you share a struggle with a friend, what do they do? Friends normally listen and they sympathize. Oh you poor thing. They comfort and sympathize you. Completion rarely happens. But if you take an opposite like a spouse and you come together in marriage, then there is some real chance at completion.

In our marriage, I see this principle of completion at work. As a guy, I don’t really need friends. If God calls me to do something and no one else is by my side to support me, I’m okay. It’s just me and Jesus. Like the hymn, “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus:” Though none go with me, still I will follow; No turning back, no turning back. A pastor needs this kind of independence. God, I will follow you wherever you lead. At the same time, this can be a weakness. If all I cared about was me and Jesus and I didn’t care about how the members of this church were doing, then I wouldn’t be much of a pastor. Jackie is much more interdependent. She is relational. She is very sensitive to the feelings of others. This can be weakness if she is overly people conscious, but in our marriage, it can be a strength because she can reel me back. Before making a decision, she asks me, did you think about how this decision will affect so and so or how it might make this person feel left out? No, I hadn’t thought about that. Thank you. She completed me.

This is a mirror of what happens in church. We are completed through our relationships here. This gets back to what I said about friends earlier who are very similar. Our friends who are just like us might not be very good at completing us. If our church is very homogeneous and we all look like each other and talk like each other and think like each other, then there is a good chance that we will have blind spots. And so there will be areas of our lives as a community of faith that will remain incomplete. This is why it’s important for us to grow into a multi-ethnic church because it will stretch us and complete us in ways that would take longer if we were all the same.

Also, even in a church as small as ours, I believe that God has already brought together people of varying gifts. Spiritual gifts are great, but if we all had the same gift, we would be severely imbalanced. Imagine if all of us had the gift of evangelism, but we lacked the gift of nurturing and discipling younger ones. Then, we might grow in number and see conversions, but we wouldn’t be able to take care of anyone beyond that. Spiritual gifts are good, but there is a dark side to each gift that needs to be balanced or completed by the other gifts.

Marriage points to the local church and both marriage and the local church point to Christ and THE church, the future, universal church. How do we know that Paul in Eph 5:32 is not talking about the local church, but he’s talking about the future, universal church? Easy. Name any church in the world that meets the qualifications mentioned in Eph 5:27. Without spot or wrinkle but holy and blameless. Any church come to mind? I didn’t think so. There is no church on this side of eternity that fits this description. So marriage and the local church point to this future universal church that all Christians will be part of.

And this future universal church is ushered in with the Marriage Supper of the Lamb between Jesus, the Bridegroom and the church, the bride of Christ. Whether single or married, whether at Hill Community or part of another church down the street, all of us need to find our completion in Jesus. Jesus completes us. Jesus is the perfect man and the perfect woman. He is the perfect blend of masculinity and femininity. Men, you can look to Jesus and learn how to be a real man. Submit to Jesus’ authority. It’s not a tyrannical authority. It is not an oppressive authority. Jesus is not passive nor oppressive, but he proactively lays down his life for the church.

Women, look to Jesus. In Christ, can’t you see how beautiful it is when there is subordination of an equal before an equal? The beauty of putting power under someone else. Glorifying someone else. Submit as Christ submits to His heavenly Father. Be a helper in the way that God is described as our Helper. Use your power in such a way that it empowers someone else. It’s a power that enables instead of replaces. The fact that women can help implies that there is a deficiency in men in an area that women are not deficient in. Men need this enabling power. Jesus is a perfect paragon of feminine power as well as masculine power.

Marriage and the local church point to the future, gloried church, and ultimately, EVERYTHING points back to Jesus. Now we are back full circle to the first sermon on marriage a few weeks ago. The mystery of marriage is gospel re-enactment. The gospel is embedded in the gospel.

The gospel tells you that you are more helpless and hopeless in your sins than you ever dared believe, and at the same time, you are more loved and cherished than you ever dared hope. REPEAT. We have the courage to face our sins, no matter how bad they are. Why? Because we have the safety net of God’s love to catch us from falling into a pit of despair.

I have one simple application to wrap up this topic of marriage and it is regarding our speech. Eph 5:26 speaks of washing and washing is a very personal activity. Marriages and local churches are places where we see each other’s dirt. How do we wash each other? It says, washing each other by the “word.” This is not the written word, as in the Word of God, but it is the SPOKEN word.

If Jesus were standing here right now, what words would come out of his mouth? Would he say, man, you’re pathetic. You call yourself a Christian. What’s wrong with you? How many times do I have to forgive you for that same old sin? Are these the words that would come out of Jesus’ mouth? I highly doubt it.

What words would Jesus speak to wash off your dirt? He would say, I love you, I laid down my life for you. You’re safe with me. Own up to your sin because I want to set you free. Don’t carry the guilt around. Your debt has been paid for in full. Here’s my blood, which cleanses you from all sin.
Don’t carry the burdens of life on your shoulders alone. Come to me. Don’t be afraid. I am gentle and humble in heart. Find rest for your soul. Take my yoke upon you because my burden is easy and light. Let’s do life together. Follow me. You can trust me.

The words of Jesus liberate us from legalism, and performance, and low self-esteem. We can confront the dirtiest parts of our hearts without being crushed. Because we are forgiven and loved.

The spoken word is very important. Your entire life has been a compilation of verdicts that people have said about you. You are not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough. When we are filled with the Spirit and we speak the truth in love about Jesus and the words of Jesus come forth from our lips, we can overturn all of those verdicts with a single word.

Brothers and sisters, choose your words to one another carefully. If you are careless with your words, you think you’ve got a kid’s water gun in your hands but actually you’ve got a rocket launcher. In marriage and in churches, you think you are barely getting somebody a little wet with a squirt when you say mean things, but it’s like the cartoons, you shoot out some words carelessly and you’ve vaporized your target and all you’ve got left is a pair of sneakers with smoke coming out of them.

If having access to your spouse’s dirt, you abuse that power and privilege and speak carelessly, you don’t realize that you have a rocket launcher. And instead of achieving deep soul oneness, marriage ends up being nothing more than a business partnership where you learn to bargain and not deal with the dirty parts. Or, you let the words fly in a raging firestorm that will destroy both of your lives. What words come out of your mouth toward your spouse is very important.

Likewise, in churches, we hold the same potential for good and evil in the way we speak to one another. The life-giving words of Jesus can re-program your self-image. With our spoken words, we can wash and confront sin in a way that edifies and cleanses and affirms God’s love in spite of our sin. Also, with the same spoken word, we can condemn and tear down, enslave and abuse. The words that come out of our mouths toward one another are extremely important. Through words, God created the heavens and the earth. Jesus is logos, or the Word embodied in the flesh. Words can create, words can breathe life, and at the same time, words can tear down and destroy.

Ultimately, Christ reprograms your self-image. Listen to his words. Listen for his voice. Let the fact that He died for you be the only fact that matters. Let that reprogram you. I matter to the only person in the world that really matters. Everyone else can criticize but you don’t fall apart because Christ thinks the world of you.

Jesus loves you in spite of you. A man and woman who are in love. The guy might be a total jerk and people around may wonder, what does she see in him? The couple’s love in the beginning is quite immature or she is blinded by romance so she may not see his flaws, which are obvious to everyone else. I see his heart. Who he really is. The problem with immature love–you see the heart but not the blemishes. A mature love sees blemishes but also sees the diamonds in the rough rocks that are yet to emerge. Jesus loves us. He sees your sins, and he says, let me cover them and remove them from the inside out. I see the glorious person that you will become one day.

Marriage is only a metaphor for the Great Marriage. The real completer is Jesus. Jesus is the Helper and the Head. A great marriage is not enough. It doesn’t complete you. Christ completes you. He comes as the ultimate spouse, head, helper. We are sub-men and sub-women apart from Christ. Look to him. In Him, you will see the completion and the perfection of your soul.

Lastly, Christian life is a divine romance. Jesus is madly in love with you. When you look at how a man falls in love with a woman and sweeps her off her feet and marries her, you get a glimpse into Christ’s love for you. He sets his heart on you with a passion that makes the most daring romance in this world seem like kids stuff. It’s a love that goes beyond any passion that you will ever experience.

Someday, when faith becomes sight and you see Jesus face to face and you flop into the arms of your Savior, you and I can say, at last, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, now that I am with you, I know who I am. I am finally complete.

Eph 5 – The Link Between Marriage, Christ and Church (pt2 of 3)

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“Leave”

31 For this reason a man will leave…

The word for “leave” is a strong word. It can be translated as leave behind, neglect, forsake, abandon. Who are we called to leave? Father and mother. There is no society like Western society that de-emphasizes the obligation to your parents. But Asians, I think we can better appreciate how shocking this statement must have been for the Jewish readers in the first century. To the Jewish contemporaries of Paul, family was everything. So a Jewish reader in the first century would have been jarred by the statement–leave your father and mother.

Is there any relationship in life while you were single that has been more formative and foundational in your development than parents? Your parents had a tremendous influence in making you who you are today. And that’s why we honor our father and our mother.

Jesus made an equally shocking statement when he described what it means to follow Christ in Luke 14:26–

Luke 14
26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, and even his own life—he cannot be My disciple.”

Here, Jesus is basically saying, if you want to be my disciple, then I have to be the most important person in your life. Relative to our love for Jesus, our love for others, even other Christians, will feel like hatred because our love for Jesus has to be orders of magnitude greater and higher than all other relationships. Jesus alone is Tier 1. Jesus includes father and mother, but he also includes wife and children. Clearly, in terms of priority, Jesus has to be #1 for the believer.

Beyond Christ, every other relationship is Tier 2. I think there can be a certain amount of debate as to how all other human relationships rank in terms of importance. As I said earlier, marriage mirrors Christ and the church so there is no use in saying between marriage and the church one is more important than the other. In my opinion, both marriage and church relationships are equally important and so the key is consistency. If you are at church, be a good Christian. If you are at home, be a good Christian. Be consistent.

With that said, we mustn’t lose sight of the priority that marriage has over many other relationships and many other pursuits. The marriage relationship is more fundamental than even our parents. If you study Genesis, you will notice that God did not put a parent and a child in the Garden. He didn’t put two same gender best friends in the Garden. He placed a husband and a wife.

What can go ahead of marriage? For many men and an increasing number of women, career comes before marriage. Even kids. Marriages are so bad these days that even kids are placed ahead of spouse. You are walking on thin ice if the chief source of your love and emotional nurture comes from your kids. Many married couples revolve their entire lives around their kids. They buy a house they can’t really afford so that they can move into a neighborhood with a good school district. Then comes the kumon lessons, soccer practices, music recitals, summer camps. For 18 years, the kid’s schedule becomes the parents’ schedule. The kids have been placed above the marriage. Then, during the empty nest years when the kids move away, there is nothing to hold the marriage together.

What about friends? Friends can come ahead of marriage. If any of these come before your spouse, you are in trouble. Except for Christ and the church, marriage has to have priority over all other people and pursuits in your life.

Leave your father and mother. Many marriages are destroyed because the couple did not follow this prerequisite prior to getting married. What are some examples of couples who haven’t left? You may know someone who is dependent on mommy or daddy for finances. Or a momma’s boy–a husband who can’t make decisions without finding out what mommy wants. Leaving father and mother means putting your spouse ahead of your parents and what they want.

When your parents criticize the spouse, what does it mean concretely to leave father and mother? It means, when there is a conflict between your parents and your spouse, you can never take your parents’ side again after you are married. Singles, this is priceless advice. Someone would treat me to dinner if they realized how valuable the advice I just gave to you is. Singles, take notes. If you follow this advice based on biblical principles, you will be spared from many fights with your spouse. You always have to defend your spouse and make them feel like you are on their side and not your parents’ side.

We need to leave behind old family patterns. You don’t enter a marriage and say, this is how it was in my family. This is the man’s role. This is the woman’s role. Some fathers help their wives in doing chores around the house and with raising the kids. Some father’s don’t lift a finger. What we observed and determined to be the “norm” growing up, you have to leave it behind.

If parents did something negative, we may react against those things. I’ll never treat my kids the way my parents treated me. If you were beaten mercilessly by your parents, you may resolve never to lay a finger on your child. Instead of evaluating the merits of corporal punishment in child rearing, you have just made a decision because you are reacting against your past. Or, my parents made me go to church. I am going to be different and give my kids a choice. So when they turn 5 years old, if they rather stay home and watch cartoons, I will respect their decision. There is no consideration of whether church is good for me and my kids. You are just NOT doing something because my parents did it.

You need to leave all of that behind and start anew. Leave. Start fresh. What will be right between me and my spouse? How can I serve my spouse so that they know they are loved? What worked between your parents will not necessary work in your marriage because you have a new husband, a new wife, you are different couple. And there will never be another couple just like you.

“Be joined”

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined…

The word for “be joined” means literally “to be glued together.” To be faithfully devoted to, to be united with, to cleave. You leave and then you cleave. There are only 2 occurrences of this word and in both instances, it is used only in the context of marriage. Marriage is a very unique relationship indeed. However, because marriage is a pointer to Christ and the church, the principle of being joined in marriage has universal application for everyone in the church, singles as well as married couples.

The joining together in marriage happens during the wedding ceremony when the wedding vows are exchanged. In that moment, you are making a commitment to your spouse for life in a public ceremony. Similarly, when a person is saved, there also is a ceremony. A baptism ceremony. The new believer is baptized and they publicly confess their commitment to Christ and that commitment gets fleshed out in a local church context.

Marriage and church mirror one another and so when we are joined to our spouse in marriage and when we are joined to Christ and when we join a church, we are talking about the same thing–commitment. You commit to your spouse and you commit to Christ when you repent and place your faith in Him and you commit to a church to express your commitment to Christ within the body of Christ.

Another way of saying, be joined is be committed. The essence of marriage and the essence of our relationship with Christ and the essence of our relationships within the church is not a feeling. Feelings come and go. If the essence of marriage and Christ and the church were feelings, then this means we can fall in and out of marriage and in and out of a relationship with Christ and in and out of a relationship with His church.

When you left your father and mother and committed to your spouse, you promised, you made a vow that you would stick to your spouse in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and I would add–when emotions run high and when the tank is empty–until death do us part. It was a commitment.

Doesn’t this reflect our relationship with Christ and our relationships with other believers in the church? When Christ commits to us, we committed to Christ. And we said, Jesus, I will stay by your side through thick and thin, I commit to open up my Bible and pray and worship you even on days when I don’t feel like it. Regarding church, I know churches are not perfect, but I have committed myself to the universal church and to this particular church, Hill Community, for as long as Christ would have me here. When things are going well at church or when things are falling apart, I will remain committed to His body. And this commitment to the universal church might be expressed by staying here for 40 years or it might be 4 weeks because God has another local church in mind for you down the road. But your commitment to the universal church and one or more local churches over the course of your lifetime will never waver because commitment to Christ and commitment to His church are inseparable.

At the beginning of a marriage, as with the beginning of your relationship with Christ and when you first joined a church, emotions tend to run high. You had a literal honeymoon phase as newlyweds when your spouse could do no wrong. In your relationship with Christ, new believers also go through a honeymoon phase when you are so excited to open your Bible and you are eager to spend time with the Lord in prayer. When you first walk into a church and things are new, there is kind of a honeymoon phase as well because the pastor seems witty and insightful and you are so excited to meet new people because they seem nice and you don’t see their flaws yet and you are eager to serve.

Things are easy in the beginning. When emotions run high, actions follow naturally. This is human nature. As a newlywed or as a newborn Christian who is enjoying Christ and his people for the first time, think back to how easy it was to act loving toward your spouse and toward Christ and others in the church because your feelings of love were strong.

What happens, for example, when married couples operate with emotions first and then actions second? What happens is this. When the emotions of love fade, and they inevitably do, the actions of love cease. It’s a vicious cycle. Because the feelings of love are gone, the actions of love stop and because the actions of love stop, the feelings of love never return. The marriage becomes stuck. This same pattern can happen in our relationship with Christ and this same pattern can happen at church. Feelings fade, then actions stop.

If a marriage settles into this pattern, it’s just a matter of time before the relationship will devolve into bargaining. You think, your husband is not being the husband he used to be or she is not being the wife she used to be so why should I be the spouse I am called to be? This is the bargaining mentality and you pull back.

But when a child is born, everything changes. The baby spits on you, poops all over you, the child does nothing for you. You get nothing out of the relationship while you are giving everything. You are dead tired, but still you wake up in the middle of the night because you are the parent and you are committed to love regardless of your feelings in the moment. Even without realizing it, you are following the biblical pattern of love as commitment.

Love is an action first, feeling second. The feelings of love follow the actions of love. In the case of your children, for 18 years, you have been practicing the principles of love. Even if your child is a jerk and has no redeeming social value, you still love him. In those same 18 years toward your children, it’s not a bargain and so the cycle has been working in reverse.

However, we hold our spouses to a different standard, don’t we? When your spouse acts like a baby, what do you do? The less your spouse gives to you, the less you give. The less you give, the less you feel loving. The less you feel loving, the less you act loving. It’s a vicious cycle. But for your child–the more you give, the more you feel loving. The more you feel loving, the more you give. You are operating toward the child based on a biblical pattern.

With your spouse, you treat it like a bargain instead of a commitment. The feelings of selfishness follow the actions of selfishness. And it’s no wonder, after 18 years, you have a tremendous amount of affection for your child but absolutely no affection for your spouse.

Practically, this means that love is an action first and a feeling second. Being committed to your job means you will show up to work on Monday mornings even on days when you don’t feel like it. Being committed to Christ means you will seek him even when you don’t feel inspired or when you are feeling lazy. When the Bible says, love your neighbor and it says, love your enemy, it’s uses the same word. How is that possible? You feel absolutely zero affection for your enemy, but you are called to love that person.

Be joined, be committed. Act in a serving way toward one another. Act in a tender way, out of a sense of commitment, even when you don’t feel affectionate. If you act that way toward your spouse and towards Jesus and toward your Christian brother or sister, an amazing thing will happen. As you act loving, the feelings of love that you had during the honeymoon stage will return.

In all 3 arenas–marriage, Christ, church–emotions do not last. Our hearts are fallen and fickle. When emotions dry up, that’s when the marriage begins to fall apart. That’s when Christians close up their Bibles and their prayers are reduced to 10 seconds before the meal. Then, you start skipping Sunday services. Most times, the feelings subside and the actions follow suit. The flowers stop coming. The dates and dinners are no more. The strolls along the beach are replaced by romantic strolls down the aisles of Costco. You skip out on your devotional life with Jesus because you want to sleep in or watch your favorite TV show. Church becomes a chore and you start doing bare minimum and isolate yourself from other believers.

If you follow your feelings first and your actions stop as a result, your relationships in marriage, with Christ and within the church will spiral downward. Invest in your relationship with spouse, Christ, church and they will become more lovely to you.